Quote: EDDIE: That's the most fun I've had all week.
SARA: You need to get out more.
Quote: Melissa: How did you make your guest list, Price? Throw darts at a phone book?
Quote: This is what she used on my brother and her sister, hacked them to pieces. We found parts of their bodies all over the house, in places you wouldn't think. A funny thing is the heads have never been found, hands and feet and things like that, but no heads.
Quote: (after Melissa's disapearance, Evelyn points her gun to Steven Price)
Steven Price: Ah come one Evelyn you'd really think I would give you a loaded gun?
(Evelyn fires at him, bottles behind him burst of the shot)
Steven Price: JESUS!
(Evelyn smiles at him and holds her gun next the her head)
Evelyn: Funky old house...aint it?
Quote: Vanacutt: So...next patient...ah mister Baker!
Eddie: What have I got to do with it? I WAS ADOPTED!
Quote: Ghost of Evelyn: No one get's out of here alive!
Quote: ghost Melissa: Sara where are you going?...Sara you have to stay for my show!
Sara: OHW GOD!
Quote: Well congratu-fucking-lations on a scale from one to ten on the peversity metre you just hit a 73
Quote: Well congratu-fucking-lations on the scale of the peversity metre you just hit a 73
Quote: What would drive a sane man mad would drive a mad man sane
Quote: and now we're out of scotch thanks to you ASSHOLE
Quote: well congratufuckinglations..
Quote: Of all my wives, you're the least agreeable.
Quote: I didn't do anything!! I was adopted!!
Quote: The ghosts are moving tonight...restless...hungry.
Quote: Oh, sorry. Detail I guess I forgot to mention: you die, you lose.
Quote: Funky old house, ain't it?
Quote: Okay, one last question... How do we get down from here?
Quote: I'm sure we'll all be mutilated beyond recognition by then.
Quote: I lied. The house is alive. We're all gonna die.
Quote: God, i would love to get laid before I die...(turns and looks at Evelyn)How ya doing? (Evelyn gives him a frick off look) Yeah, I'm good.
Quote: (1)Where will we be?
(2)Out of Scotch, thanks to you, ass!

Quote: Everything you do gets me hot. But not in a sexual way.
Quote: (Last line of the movie, Sara to Eddie as they're sitting on a ledge at the very top of the asylum some thousand feet up, and locked out)

Okay, one last question: how do we get down from here...?
Quote: Take a bow, you sick fuck.
Quote: 1) Five that didn't die. (1 walks into the room, drunk, startling and scaring the crap outta 2 and 3) BOOGA, BOOGA! 2) What are you saying? 1) Price didn't make the guestlist. The house did. 3) Why? 1) (talking about Price's wife) 'Cause she's a vengeful, stupid WHORE! (he kicks something, then rubs his foot.) 2) Wait. How's a house gonna send out invitations? 1) There's a lot of energy in here. It likes to travel through light beams, sound waves, electricity, whatever. 3) A phone line? 1) (sarcastically) Yeah. Now that we're in the Twillight Zone. Uh-huh. 3) Into an online computer? Through the Internet? 2) No, no, no. Stop, wait, this is crazy! 1) (to 2) You don't............get it...........do you? (shines his flashlight into his face) This house.........is pissed. It has no morals, 'cause it's a fucking HOUSE!
Quote: 1) What, then where will we be? 2) Out of Scotch, thanks to you, ass!
Quote: 1) Not you, tulip. The house. I think it's marked you as the first to die this evening. Isn't that how the story goes, Mr. Pritchett? 2) You could say that. Sure. 1) Isn't that how both your father and grandfather met their demise? 2) (laughs nervously) Uh, well, uh, my, uh, grandfather did build the place, but he actually died in his sleep, in Miami. My, uh, father did get killed here, but that was during a construction accident, restoring the interiors. But, I'm fine, and, uh, I'm still alive, and, uh, I feel good, and I'd like to get paid.........now. 1) And on that merciful note, my friend, let the games begin.
Quote: Evelyn: (listening to Melissa's terrified screams, which are coming from the basement) I guess old Melissa found what she was looking for.
Quote: This is the most fun I've had in a long time. You need to grt out more
Quote: 1. why is this happening?2. because the house is alive. and she's a vengful spiteful bitch.
Quote:
New wrinkle on an old theory for
treating schizophrenia. 19th Century, I
think: what would drive a sane man mad
should make a madman sane. The Vannacutt
version was: bombard the patient with
aural and visual stimuli far more
frightening than any hallucination they
could ever produce, it'd traumatize 'em
back to normalcy.

Quote:
New wrinkle on an old theory for
treating schizophrenia. 19th Century, I
think: what would drive a sane man mad
should make a madman sane. The Vannacutt
version was: bombard the patient with
aural and visual stimuli far more
frightening than any hallucination they
could ever produce, it'd traumatize 'em
back to normalcy.

Quote: That's great, Evelyn. On the perversity meter of 1 to 10, you just hit a 73!
Quote: .....But I'm fine, and, uh, I'm still alive, and, uh, I feel good, and, uh, I'd love to get paid now.
Quote: 1) You have your own TV show? 2) 'had', babe. Past tense. Currently looking for a way to either earn or fuck my way back into it.
Quote: Somebody's white trailer trash is showing.
Quote: Somebody's white trash is showing.
Quote: Let's have a word, sugarpuss.
Quote: 1) You're not Jennifer Jenzen. 2) What makes you think I'm not? 1) I've never seen an executive producer be able to tie their own shoes, let alone rewire an entire house.
Quote: 1) So, is this dump really haunted? 2) It-it's, uh, really scary.
Quote: 1) Where's the party? 2) Looks like we're it. 3) Me and ya'll three? Woo-hoo! Let's boogie!
Quote: From here on, it gets really scary.
Quote: Let's go down and greet your guests. Show them the real you: corny as Kansas on the Fourth of July.
Quote: 1) So, Mr. Price. Business or pleasure? 2) Neither. My wife.
Quote: 1) Get off me, you pervert. 2) Congratualtions. I don't think Evelyn's ever said that to anything with testicles, ever. 1) Very funny, Stephen. Have you?
Quote: 1) Is this some kind of joke? (sound of glass breaking comes into the room.) 2) Pritchett's not laughing.
Quote: That's how they all burned to death. Dr. Vannacutt threw the switch. If he was going to die, they were all gonna die.
Quote: Now that is enter-fucking-tainment!
Quote: Open, open, open, stupid asshole old bitch, open!
Quote: Open, open, open, stupid asshole old bith, open!
Quote: You seem very confident, Evelyn, for a woman very nearly killed.
Quote: BOOGA, BOOGA!
Quote: One problem. How do we get down from here?
Quote: 1) Isn't that the way it works, Mr. Pritchett? 2) (laughs a little sarcastically/nervously) Yeah.
Quote: 1) Uh, excuse me Mr. Price? I think I've done a pretty good job of getting these people up here, so I think I should get my check. Now. (1 keeps pestering 2 until 2 gives in) 2) Allright, Pritchett. Just let me sign the damn thing.
Quote: What turns you on more? The thought of me with other men, or just the other men?
Quote: You know, if you really loved me, you'd find a way to drop dead in the next three seconds.
Quote: 1) Ok, so we'll stay here till morning. 2) Oh, I'm sure we'll all be mutilated beyond recognition by then.
Quote: Get the hell off me, you perv.
Quote: 1) You're not Jennifer Jenzen. 2) Of course I am. What makes you think I'm not? 2) I've never seen an office worker be able to tie their own shoelaces, let alone rewire an entire house.

*sorry, I forgot what Jennifer Jenzen's occupation is supposed to be in this movie.


Quote: Sir.....lady.......get out of the car.....whoever's in the car, get out of the car.
Quote: 1) Geez, lady! I thought you were dead! 2) Not even fucking close.
Quote: A little detail I forgot to mention. You die, you lose.
Quote: 1) That, what just happened to you there, that's nothing. You've just been playing around with ghosts. Wait till someone lets out the darkness in this place. That's a whole-that's a whole new bunch of crazy shit.....you'll-you'll hate that shit. 2) Pritchett, are you under the care of a physician?
Quote: 1) You're hurting me. 2) I know.
Quote: Ah, there's the simple country girl I married
Quote: Did I say quicker? I'm pretty sure I said quicker.
Quote: 1) You're gonna miss out on a great party. 2) My loss. 1) Not even if I gave you a million bucks as well? 2) Wouldn't know what to do with it all. (2 says words in sarcastic voice)
Quote: Pritchett: Poor Mr. Price.
Eddie: Fuck Mr. Price!!
Quote: It scared me as a kid, but it doesn't scare me anymore (he says this nervously)
Quote: Well, congratu-fuckin-lations, Steven.
Quote: Pritchett was right! The house is alive!
Quote: 1) What's going on? 2) Electro-shock.
Quote: God, I'd love to.....get laid before I die. So, how you doin' tonight? (person 2 glares at person 1) Me? Yeah, I'm ok. I'm fine.
Quote: OPEN THE GOD DAMN DOOR!!!!!!
Quote: It's a saturation chamber. What could make a sane man mad could make a mad man sane.
Quote: BOOGA,BOOGA!
Quote: This must be more of Price's spook-house bullshit.
Quote: *cough,cough* Ugh, this place smells fantastic.
Quote: This must be more of Price's spook-house bullshit.
Quote: It's not the plates! It's the house! Why is no one listening to me? Have you all just gone deaf or something? The house is alive! We're not going anywhere! That's it!
Quote: (looks over his shoulder) I have to go now.
Quote: 1) Pritchett, what the hell just happened here? 2) Lockdown. From the old asylum. Seals everything in. For emergencies. If he was gonna die, so were they. 3) Why wasn't it taken out? 2) It was on my dad's 'to do' list. But the house did him first. 3) You said that was an accident. 2) I lied. The house is alive. We're all gonna die.
Quote: 1) Hey, (name)aren't you coming? 2) No. 3) Well, we're going to lok for Blackburn. 2) Blackburn's dead. 1) How do you know that? 2) He would've been back by now.
Quote: 1) But the million bucks....that's real? 2) Oh that. No clue.
Quote: I'm going to run scalding water in every place you just touched me.
Quote: I'd be damn delirious if you weren't fucking everything in our area code!
Quote: 1) Oh, my god! Are you all right? 2) I am so fucking far from allright, it's not even funny! Someone, or something, just tried to drown me in a tank of blood the size of a Buick!
Quote: Oh, yeah.....these things.
Quote: The house is pissed! It has no morals because it's a fucking HOUSE!
Quote: Now, dear friends, your host is giong to retire to her bed for what's left of the night. If any of you so much as peak through that keyhole, I'll empty this gun into their fucking head.
Quote: Will you shut the fuck up?
Quote: That was one kick-ass party.
Quote: Happy birthday, baby!
Quote: Oh, Steven, you poor, clueless geek. All it would've taken was a simple divorce.... and ripping our pre-nup in to little itsy-bitsy peices. No matter how it ended, please just know one little thing: from the first moment i set eyes on you, I've always loved....your money. You personally.... well to be frank, the sight of you has always turned my stomach.
Quote: There are only 3 options here: 1) Evelyn killed herself, which is very unlikely. 2) It was an accident 3) It was a plain and simple murder. In other words, one of you motherfuckers killed my wife!!
Quote: GODDAMMIT! SON OF AN ASSHOLE BITCH!!!!!!!! (pounds on something in anger as he says that)
Quote: Hey! That wasn't very nice!
Quote: 1) Where will we be? 2) Out of Scotch, thanks to you, ass!
Quote: She's a vengeful, stupid whore!
Quote: OK, excuse me, sorry. God dammit! You give me my goddamn check! Right now! Because I want it! Now! I'm serious!
Quote: (man sprawled on the floor looks up at locked window) FUCK!!!!
Quote: Booga, booga!
Quote: 1) God, I'd love to get laid...before i die. So how you doin' tonight? (person 2 glares at person 1) Me? Yeah, I'm all right, I'm fine.
Quote: Well, congratu-fucking-lations, Steven.
Quote: The house is pissed. It has no morals, because it is a fucking house!
Quote: (guy bangs on locked window) Oh, FUCK!!!!!!
Quote: 1) So, who's gonna tell me about the guy in the long white coat? The one that I;ve been chasing around here all night. 2) Vannacut!
Quote: 1) So, who's gonna tell me about the guy in the long white coat? The one that I;ve been chasing around here all night. 2) Vannacut!
Quote: It-it's, uh, really scary.
Quote: God, I'd love to get laid before I die. So, how you doin'?
Quote: i just wanna get laid before i die (to Evelyn) so how you doin'?
Quote: i just wanna get laid before i die (to Evelyn) so how you doin'?
Quote: 1) So, tell me about the guy in the long white coat. 2) V-vanacutt
Quote: If any of you peek through that hole, I'll empty this gun into your head.
Quote: The house has no morals, because it's a FUCKING HOUSE!!
Quote: God dammit! Give me my god damn check! RIGHT NOW!!!!!
Quote: Pritchett: I lied. The house is alive, we're all gonna die.
Quote: Pritchett: OK, i lied. The house is alive. We're all gonna die.
Quote: wait till that shit happens. That's a whole bunch of other crazy shit. You'll hate that shit (He is studdering as he says it)
Quote: You know if you really loved me, you'd find a way to drop dead in the next 3 seconds.
Quote: Oh, sorry. Detail I guess I forgot to mention. You die, you lose.
Quote: It's not the plates. It's the house. Why is no one listening to me? Did you just turn deaf all of a sudden?! It's alive! We're not going anywhere! That's it!
Quote: I lied. The house is alive. We're all gonna die.
Quote: 1) Oh, so then we'll just stay here until morning.

2) Ah, I'm sure we'll be mutilated beyond recognition by then.
Quote: No, I am so fucking far from all right it's not even funny! Someone or something just tried to drown me in a tank of blood the size of a Buick!
Quote: That, what just happened to you there, that's nothing. You've just been playing around with the ghosts. Wait till someone lets out the darkness in this place. That's a whole, that's a whole new bunch of crazy shit. That's... you'll hate that shit.
Quote: You don't... get it... do you? This house, is pissed. It has no morals... 'cause it's a fucking house!
Quote: Steven, you poor, absolutely clueless geek. All it would've taken was a simple divorce...and ripping our pre-nup to little pieces. But no matter how it ended, please know just one thing: from the first moment I set eyes on you, I've always loved...your money. You, personally...well, frankly just the site of you has always turned my stomach.
Quote: What turns you on more — me with other men or just the other men?
Quote: correction of a quote-funky old house, ain't it?
Quote: Freaky Old House...Ain't it?
Quote: Well Congratu-fuckin-lations
Quote: Well, Congratu-fuckin-lations
Quote: BOOGA BOOGA!!
Quote: Did I say quicker? I'm pretty sure I said quicker
Quote: God Dammit!! Give me my god damn check RIGHT NOW!!!
Quote: One of you motherfuckers murdered my wife!

The quotes above are distinct quotations from the associated movie.